My goal in life is to leave as much of an impact on this world as much as possible. That is what we are told to aim for anyways. However, what I was not made aware of was how stressful it would be.

Over the last ten weeks I have had over five minor breakdowns. In fact, the morning before I started writing this article, I broke out in a hysterical fit because I was running a couple of minutes behind schedule. Now I didn’t go slightly unstable because of the time but because I have been immensely stressed lately.

Over the past three months or so, I have been planning a huge charity dodge-ball event for my school because I thought it would be a great idea to raise a lot of money for a great cause. I have been meeting with the principal of our school so much (multiple times a day), I think we should be on the first name basis and best friends. Everyday since this event was announced, I have gotten a thousand questions about things I don’t have the answer for and have to drop what I am doing to figure it out.

On top of that I have been applying to schools and scholarships like a mad woman. Why? Because I want to get far in life to ultimately be able to benefit other people. If I don’t succeed, I don’t know how I am going to be able to make my impact. According to my mom, I am the reason that I am stressed, but she doesn’t understand the pressures put onto teens in today’s society. I think that this is the main problem with stress that plagues teens. In an article by Psychology Today, “perpetually plugged-in society that sets the tone for the messages and expectations that teens receive every day. Due to varying pressures around school, work, families, relationships, social media, and the seemingly endless series of transitions involved in simply being an adolescent, teens today are indeed under more stress than ever before.”

Lately, my life has been feeling like a gigantic hydra. As soon as I get one thing off my plate, someone comes along and dumps two more things to do in its place. As the National Honor Society president, I have to plan events, make agendas for the meetings, and make sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing. Everyone looks to me to make sure things are going right. As founder of my own club,who is hosting the charity event, I not only have to plan the event but the meetings as well, and, once again, everyone looks to me for things to go right. This is all in addition to having to run and organize my own life.

Everyday I have been faced with questions that I do not have the answers to. I have questioned why I take so much on to my plate or why anybody in their right mind takes so much on to their plate. I have come to the conclusion that it is because of the reward when everything works out. When the tournament was over, we raised around one thousand dollars for charity and everyone had fun. It was so rewarding that months of wanting to pull my hair out paid off. When I finished my college applications, it was rewarding that I had finished that step in furthering myself in life. In fact, as I sit her writing this article, I am getting an extremely rewarding feeling that this is one of the last things I have to cross off my checklist.

Ultimately, throughout these last few months, I have found that by trying to do so much to better myself and others, I have put myself under and immense amount of pressure. I have been more stressed than ever before. Now, I feel as though I have to ask myself if this “reward” that I am getting or this “light” at the end of this tunnel is all worth it. To lose sleep over things that I may not even be able to enjoy is a decision that I have really been struggling with.