Imposter Syndrome is to doubt that one’s success and achievements have been earned; one feels like a fraud. Now you might ask, how many people experience this?
82% of people feel like a fraud, and I am one of them.
When I started high school, I wasn’t concerned about my rank or course level difficulty. I just did what I was “supposed to do.” I did my homework and turned it in on time, just because. I didn’t have an extravagant goal in mind for my life like I do now. I just happened to have good grades, without having to think twice about it, but all of that changed once I found out my class rank.
Suddenly, I found myself questioning and second guessing my abilities along every step. Am I just lucky? Would I still be doing this good at a different school? Can I handle harder classes? What if I believe I am good enough or smart enough and it turns out I’m not? I constantly question my successes and if I truly earned them. I have a hard time believing that all of the good that comes my way is because of my hard work instead of chance. I even question small successes like winning a tennis match and being picked to be on the bowling team. I feel like it was just by chance that I was selected or the winner, but never because I was the better player or the better choice, never fully trusting my worth.
Now that I am a senior I feel like the biggest fraud. Applying to colleges is one of the biggest tests of my academic ability. Will the admissions counselors see through my facade? Am I good enough for a prestigious university? Will I still be an A student in college?
All of this self doubt has become tiring though. I have continuously proved my self-doubts wrong. Classes that I thought I would drown in, deadlines I thought I wouldn’t make, and tests I thought I would fail have all shown me that I have worked and studied enough to do well.
When I take a step back and look in from the outside and stop being my worst critic, I can see that what I have accomplished, I deserve. I stay up late and on weekends to complete my assignments, study for tests, and make sure I understand my classes curriculum when I could be hanging out with friends or sleeping. I have put in the work it takes to be a successful student, so why don’t I deserve it? Why is it all by chance?
It’s not.
It’s sad to know that I am not the only one out there always second guessing myself and feeling like an imposter, but also a relief.
Those of us out there with high standards and self-doubt need to be more forgiving and kind to ourselves. The success we have is more than likely earned. It is okay to pat yourself on the back after achieving something; doubt doesn’t have to be the first thing we feel.
